Toxic love. Signs of a toxic relationship
Any relationship needs to be worked on, but when it comes to a toxic relationship that is destructive for a couple, you either need to work twice, or find the strength to put an end to it. The first step on this long road begins with the realization that you have become a hostage to this situation. The psychologist spoke about the signs of a toxic relationship that you can easily diagnose.
Attribute # 1. Scheme " victim and tyrant»
First, let's figure out who is who. The concept of "victim" is more or less clear. She can't even imagine that the relationship can end. As for the abuser, this is a person who morally mocks the partner. Learning about a weak point, it begins to constantly hurt. The goal is to make the other person feel completely insignificant. This is often done in public in order to do more harm. As a result of this behavior, the victim becomes even more dependent on the abuser. On the other hand, the victim may be portrayed by a stronger partner for their manipulation of another person. In such relationships, there is a lot of jealousy, explosive emotions, mutual resentments. Someone always leaves and returns. Someone suggests that they can't live without you.
Feature # 2. Living at someone else's expense
Life in such relationships happens in spite of, not because of! Most often, one person is very loving, ready for anything, and the other is cold, distant, hostile. Perhaps a manipulator who has a direct advantage. Partners reinforce and complement each other's shortcomings, rather than contribute to the development of their strengths. One lives at the expense of the other. If such relationships do not change for a long time, the partners may even begin to get sick.
Sign # 3. Your problems remain your own
There is no dialogue in a toxic relationship. As soon as one of the partners tries to talk about emotionally significant topics, the other simply translates the conversation or responds formally and closes up again. It turns out a circle of emotional harassment. The more anxious partner is always trying to make contact, and the avoiding partner is always moving away.
Sign # 4. No plans
You don't see a future in this relationship! The situation of uncertainty of one of the partners is absolutely satisfied, the second lives with expectations and faith that something will change someday, but this does not happen. The person gets used to the waiting mode, and gradually his confidence disappears. There is nothing in the future, and you cling desperately to the past. You have invested so much in this relationship that you have no idea that you can build anything else. And the partner doesn't make any promises or make any plans.
Attribute # 5. Constant criticism of you
One of the partners constantly teases, taunts, criticizes and reproaches the other. If a person has low self-esteem, then such exposure can lead to an anxiety disorder. Even when self-esteem is normal, sooner or later the partner will begin to lose confidence because of this attitude.
Sign # 6. You can't, but I can
You feel that you are being deceived, you do not get specific answers to simple questions. You don't know much about your partner's life, you feel that a lot of things are hidden from you, while trying to control your space. He puts a password on his phone, but looks at yours. And you know better than to ask him why. It does not allow you to build relationships with the outside world. He always accuses or resents, you always have to justify yourself. As a result, you can't see the future without this person. You are completely lost in your partner, you have no interests of your own, you live for him, and at the same time you feel that you are underestimated. You can't even imagine that you will suddenly break up. You are not important to yourself, your partner is important!
Attribute # 7. Who is stronger and better?
Dangerous are the relationships of so-called "equal" partners, in which people constantly break down: who is stronger, who is better, who is more important. Constant proof of their own rightness. Partners do not think about the common cause, about the dialogue, everyone tries to defend and prove their position. This often happens in those people who in childhood and youth had to meet their parents ' expectations. Excellent students are also at risk: they have learned over the years that they must do everything perfectly, and require that their loved ones confirm their ideality. In the presence of friends, they begin to attract attention to get admiration or praise, but the second partner is injured.