We all know we can’t force our sexual attractions. But what no one teaches us is that we can educate them! In this episode, I'm going to teach you how.
Even if you are relentlessly attracted to the bad boys and the bad girls, you can still develop this capacity. These are not gimmicks; they are the lifelong skills of romance and intimacy; the same skills you'll use to keep passion alive in your next serious relationship.
Have you ever felt like the people you're most attracted to aren't available or aren't good for you? And that the people who are available and are good for you are just not the ones you're attracted to?
Today we're going to tackle what might be the most common struggle of all, in the world of dating.
What to do? We can't force ourselves to be attracted to someone we’re not attracted to, just because that person is good for us, it doesn't work, and if we try, it's going to put us and our partner through hell. We can't force our sexual attraction. Most of us have learned that the hard way. But, there's something profound that most of us have never been taught. Even though our sexual attraction cannot be forced, and cannot be controlled, they can be educated.
So, we can begin by creating a kind of measuring stick for our attraction, sexual and romantic. And I call it the attraction spectrum.
When you encounter someone for the first time, your psyche and your heart begin an astonishingly complex scan. They begin to pick up obvious cues, like physique and facial structure, but they also register a huge amount of subtle cues, like body language, facial expression, the tightness or the looseness in the lips, the nuance of the voice, the muscles in the eyes and around the eyes, and what they tell us. You instantly process this information without even knowing it. All you feel is desire. Or the lack of it.
This is amazing. Scientists tell us that a silkworm can smell one other silkworm moth of the opposite sex from six and a half miles away. One moth, six and a half miles away. Our mating instinct might not be quite that developed but, nature has programmed you with a romantic radar with astounding sensitivity to find just the right person to trigger whatever emotional circuitry gets you the most, and most needs to be worked through.
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