Is there life after marriage?!
Conversation between two friends: - Dear, soon your wedding anniversary, I'm so happy for you! "You know, when I got married, I was sure it was him. Now more and more often comes the thought, is it him?!
Two rings, two ends
When you get married, buy a seat belt. Strange as it may seem, marriage usually ends either in divorce, or in the fact that love takes a different form, becomes Mature, real. And this love is significantly different from the feelings that you experienced at the start of your relationship. Scientists believe that the feeling of love is based on chemical reactions that occur in the body. And reactions tend to slow down, the reactants end, and you slow down with them, the relationship becomes slow and everyday. It's like drinking coffee. I drank it, and the caffeine got into my bloodstream. The hearty!!! No caffeine-rotten. Indeed, some substance ceases to feed our brain, heart and other organs that are responsible for feelings, and we can only rely on our imagination. Your battery is running low, but you still need to charge it. Especially if you want to save your marriage. Although, I must say, the charges will become weaker and weaker over the years. It is worth noting that your efforts will be taken into account, because what is more expensive is more valued.
It is the woman who most often bears most of the responsibility, and it is from her that the way family life will develop depends to a large extent. Whatever you say, but it is on our fragile shoulders that this notorious cell of society rests. Psychologists say that the first year after marriage is the most critical; I think many of us have noticed this, too. But if you behave correctly and correctly, and your man makes at least a little effort, in the end, you will come to a Mature, measured and even love. And scandals will be just quiet arguments, and fervent love will be just - "we value each other". I recently read a saying and completely agreed with it. Mature love is hugged, calmed down, fell asleep. Or eat a head of onion for two. What is not proof of Mature love?! It turns out that to allow yourself to do in the presence of your half something that we were shy and afraid of before, and is called Mature love?
Who can we be ourselves with? With my mother, with my friends, with my sister. But friends and mother, for all their versatility, can not replace us with a man. Therefore, we rush to find a life partner, and when we find it, we become completely different, we try to seem better. I mean, you are you, and you with a man are not you anymore. You want to be smarter, better-mannered, sexier. Before your chosen one appears a certain ideal of female creation. With you it is easy, with you it is light. But in fact, you really stay somewhere at home, with friends, colleagues. And men behave the same way, to be fair. Like males before mating. The tail becomes more lush and fluffy, and the voice is more tender. You are an ideal, he is an ideal, it only remains to seal all this splendor with vows of eternal love before the registry office employee.
Everything that we previously could not afford, in marriage gradually opens up, dissolves, gains strength and enters the norm. If we had more personal space and free time, we would find it possible to remove the mask of splendor and perfection when our husband does not see us. But now space and time have to be divided in half and our real faces slip through. The fog of passion is gradually diluted by family life, which, as you know, lands, and out of the fog the wrong ideal man looks at you, and the wrong ideal woman looks at him. If we didn't immediately hide behind pretense, there would be fewer divorces and failed relationships. But nature intended natural selection, the strongest survives, and in order not to be the loser you have to spin. A masquerade, that's all!!!
Wind of change
Time has passed, the masks are removed. And time, as you know, not only heals, but also weakens the senses. The passion was gone, the wild infatuation too. If we are no longer attracted to each other, then having each other is just an ordinary naturalness, like the toilet bowl in the toilet, what keeps us together?! There can be many reasons. This includes children, financial dependence, and the fear of being left alone. Or maybe respect and gratitude to a person. And, of course, the above-described Mature love. They went to her for a long time, lost a lot along the way (daily rough sex, heartbreaking confessions). We have gained a lot: the art of forgiving, accepting the shortcomings of the spouse as natural, the ability to understand the mood of the other. This is something that families value. But still, we change a passionate kiss to an air kiss, every minute sms-Ki to the nightly question "how are you at work", an insane number of gifts for rare standard bouquets of flowers, frequent trips to the movies and restaurants for diapers and vests.
At first, all this is alarming and upsetting, then you get used to it and begin to appreciate every change you make. After all, everything that was before, you did not lose, did not reduce to nothing, but managed to replace it with other feelings and bring the relationship to a new level. So do not rush to make hasty conclusions and make rash actions based on them. Everything will work out if they both try.
To break - not to build
Supporters of bright and elevated feelings are afraid of the everyday life that inevitably appears after the stamp in the passport and the beginning of a joint life. What they just do not do to prevent these inevitable changes in feelings, while making a lot of mistakes. So, about what you CAN't do.
1. Do not use the child for selfish purposes: we have a child, be kind, stay at home, forget about friends forever and forever. Eventually, the man will get used to it and already, without your reminders, will know that he is with you only for the sake of the child. 2. Don't involve your parents and friends in your quarrels. Nothing hurts so much as insulting your loved ones. Don't start that fire first. Be smart. 3. Put power in the hands of your husband. Dual power leads to collapse. We know that a man is a head, and a wife is a neck. 4. Don't pull life alone. The role of a workhorse dulls the senses faster than time. 5. Do not arrange scandals about frequent meetings with combat friends from the past bachelor life. If there is love and understanding in the relationship, then he will often want to get back to you as soon as possible. 6. Do not seek monetary favors in marriage. You should know that in any case, and there are different cases, you can count on yourself. 7. Freedom henceforth not only to parrots, but also to each other. And freedom is when the question is answered: "How long have you been?"you can say," I Don't know." 8. No cheating. When one fights for the safety of the family, and the second is not averse to go to the side, then the bumps from the blows no longer stand out against the background of the horns. And know that three glasses of wine turn a simple guy into a handsome Prince. Avoid such situations. 8. Don't give outsiders extra reasons to discuss your relationship. Clueless conversations lead to gossip. 9. Hobbies each other can't be mocked or condemned. Everyone has the right to read stupid books, such as" how to pluck eyebrows and curl curls", or swing a spinning rod in the apartment in a fit of longing for summer fishing.
The fate of your relationship depends on you. If you want care and tenderness to come to you after a stormy love, and not divorce, try and do everything and both for this. It's easier to let the relationship run its course and complain that this is not the person I married. It is much more difficult to find something in this new person that you will still like, some new worthy qualities. Relationships, like us, tend to grow, Mature, and change. And that doesn't make them any worse. And if the frenzied heart rate began to slow down, then fantasize and invent situations to add passion and fire!