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How to find a common language with your husband's children from a previous marriage

So, if you decide to connect your life with a man who was once married and who has children, you need to take the first, most important and difficult step on the way to a happy family life-it is to accept a man along with his past. One without the other is impossible. If you accept only a man, and leave his past behind the door, then a strange love turns out: "I love you, but I do not love what is dear to you." Nothing good will come of it. Why is it sometimes difficult for women to accept a child from their husband's first marriage? Because in this offspring, the new wife sees the former. That's the problem. To accept a child, you must accept the truth: "Yes, this is my husband's son/daughter. It is also the fruit of the love of my husband and his ex-wife. But that was BEFORE me. This love is in the past. And I take it for granted."


In General, accept the fact that your man has baggage in the face of children and ex-wife. This is for life. And there is no escaping the constant phone conversations with the mother of his children. Once you have chosen this man, take everything that goes with it.


If you are ready for this, then it's time to start Dating your husband's child. Regardless of how old he is, it is desirable to hold the first meeting on neutral territory: in a Park, cafe, cinema, etc. This will make you and your child more comfortable. Familiarity will not be like a viewing, and you will be able to distract yourself from the sides, it will relieve tension and awkwardness. Psychologists in one voice advise women during the first meetings not to show their love for the baby's father and to stay a little apart. Let them communicate, let them hold hands, sit next to each other. So that not the dad is in the middle, but the baby, you know? It's such a subtle psychological thing. The child will be more comfortable in your presence. Don't try to buy a child's love. All gifts must be in place. If you want to give something on the first date, let it be a cake in the form of a car, made with your own hands, a family Board game that you can try out right now and have a good laugh. Don't spend all your time with your husband and his children. Leave them alone, but do it as if it is not special. "Oh, I have to go to the store! For once, I signed up for a salon! Sveta asked to sit with the child, she needs to see a doctor." Let the boy or girl feel that you do not mind their communication with their father and do not seek to pull the blanket of his attention. Not by leaps and bounds, but slowly the child should get used to you and understand that you are not a vixen at all, but very much nothing! Gradually, the child will stay in your home for the weekend. And here, please, do not pretend to be a teacher or a second mother, do not get stuffed into friends! All that is required of you is a sincere and friendly attitude.


In General, accept the fact that your man has baggage in the face of children and ex-wife. This is for life. And there is no escaping the constant phone conversations with the mother of his children. Once you have chosen this man, take everything that goes with it. If you are ready for this, then it's time to start Dating your husband's child. Regardless of how old he is, it is desirable to hold the first meeting on neutral territory: in a Park, cafe, cinema, etc. This will make you and your child more comfortable. Familiarity will not be like a viewing, and you will be able to distract yourself from the sides, it will relieve tension and awkwardness. Psychologists in one voice advise women during the first meetings not to show their love for the baby's father and to stay a little apart. Let them communicate, let them hold hands, sit next to each other. So that not the dad is in the middle, but the baby, you know? It's such a subtle psychological thing. The child will be more comfortable in your presence. Don't try to buy a child's love. All gifts must be in place. If you want to give something on the first date, let it be a cake in the form of a car, made with your own hands, a family Board game that you can try out right now and have a good laugh. Don't spend all your time with your husband and his children. Leave them alone, but do it as if it is not special. "Oh, I have to go to the store! For once, I signed up for a salon! Sveta asked to sit with the child, she needs to see a doctor." Let the boy or girl feel that you do not mind their communication with their father and do not seek to pull the blanket of his attention. Not by leaps and bounds, but slowly the child should get used to you and understand that you are not a vixen at all, but very much nothing! Gradually, the child will stay in your home for the weekend. And here, please, do not pretend to be a teacher or a second mother, do not get stuffed into friends! All that is required of you is a sincere and friendly attitude.


Of course, not all children have angel wings on their backs. Someone will play the game "Love me like the devil"in relation to you. Not react. Even if everything inside is boiling! Passes. The child is jealous of dad for you, and this is understandable. Endure. And if it comes to rudeness and insults, then let the father come in with the word. But don't say anything: "You're in my house! I'm the boss!» The child should not feel like a guest in your home. This is wrong. He should be comfortable at home. The only thing that can be said in this case: "I have rights in this house, too, and I would like to be respected." It happens that the ex-wife turns the children against you. And if the child passes you all these nasty things, the behavior pattern is: "I think that's not what your mother wanted to say. Perhaps she is very tired or resentful about something. She doesn't really think so." In any case, you can not speak ill of the child's mother in front of the child. Never. Even if she's the worst mother in the world. If a child comes to you not only for the weekend, but lives with you, then the same laws apply. And if you have children of your own, don't show that you love them more. Musi-pusi with his Pets in a room behind a closed door? Not with my husband's child. And just psychologically accept it. He will feel it, and everything will go its way. Yes, and one more thing... When a child from the first marriage lives in the family and another one is born, the older one has a feeling of fear and jealousy. This is solved so-parting words: "Now you are the boss, you are the protector, you are responsible for your brother or sister!» Give him the opportunity to choose things for the baby, go shopping together. And the baby should come from the hospital with a gift for an older brother or sister. It works! And when your friends will come to your house with gifts for the baby, keep a gift in stock for the older one! Necessarily. Let it be a kinder surprise or a box of chocolates, but ask the guests to give this gift. Children react extremely painfully when guests give something to a brother or sister, and they are left without attention. However, this is very important for our children. Psychologists advise you to do only this way.


In General, it is said that women, unlike men, rarely accept other people's children. But there are exceptions. I know a case where a woman became so close to her husband's child that even after the divorce of the spouses, this child remained in her family... I will say a banal thing, but it explains everything: the children are not to blame for anything. And no one is immune from divorce.


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